At a certain point it's gonna hurt.
No matter how much you love it, no matter how much you care. There will always be an asshole bastard son of a bitch who's gonna make you hate it.
Move on - dream on. Something, somehow, is gonna change your mind. Maybe you've been brainwashed, too _ would say someone you've longly forgot.
Just act out. Get used to what you'll never be anymore.
It's a free choice. Well, shut the fuck up - at least it's gonna free you from some pesky nightmare.